Friday, April 01, 2005

The Adventures of J & A: The ex, a wet lap, a mobster & SS

Once again, life is never boring when J & I get together...

LB's band, Luster, was playing at The Note last night in a battle of the bands. His gf told us last week that the boys needed groupies present to win; apparently the winner is crowned based on an audience vote. J & I, always willing to support our pals, agreed to come down. The competition supposedly began at 8:00 with Luster queued for first. J & I have attended these shindigs before and they NEVER start on time. Never. I worked late and thus picked up J at 7:20, arrived in the neighborhood a little before 8:00 and then, of course, spent 15 min. looking for parking. By the time we walked to the club and got ID'ed it was 8:20 and they were finishing the last song in the set; they actually started on time! Fortunately we arrived in time for the critical vote! We also arrived in time to say hello to other fans including my ex and his not-so-lovely wife. I dared J to hug and kiss him but she had not started drinking. How unfortunate.

Since we were having so much fun J & I left The Note a mere 15 min. after arriving. We hightailed it back to the burbs in search of a drink. Margaritas at Hacienda were the game plan but then J remembered evenings at The Clubhouse might make for some amusing people watching. Rumor has it that the older (read desperate) and professional (read glorified hooker) female crowd congregates to prey on the older (read still horny) and wealthy male crowd. J and I found a seat at a small table for two on the outskirts of the bar in full view of the overdone women and aching-for-it men. We were having a ball until two Mafioso types snagged the table adjacent to ours. Unfortunately the nearer of the mobsters (Vincent) got an eyeful of us cuties and proceeded to burble and gush over our natural good looks, perfect features and perfect profiles. One thing led to another, our new found friends introduced themselves and thus we found ourselves fully engaged in conversation with V and his pal Jimmy. As it turned out they were not really mobsters but actors who played mobsters and had just finished filming a new flick called “Legit”, or so V says. Meanwhile J had informed V that she was a model (Not!) and he decided to give her, which quickly became us, career advice. Most unfortunately V was smoking a cigar, which I happen to enjoy very much, but not when the smoker is breathing his heinous breath down my neck while hitting on my friend. The painful conversation continued until our waitress came to clear our finished martini glasses. Balanced on one arm was a drink tray for another table which included a full beer mug. As she reached down to pick up our glass the tray leaned with her and toppled into my lap. J got a little wet but the brunt of the liquid fell directly in my lap. Fortunately my Old Navy jeans are machine washable. The ENTIRE bar turned to see what the ruckus was and began applauding and shouting “Opah!” Meanwhile the waitress was trying to clean up the mess, Vincent was attempting to pick up some broken glass, the busboy was warning us not to step on the glass or liquid under our feet and I was soaking wet looking for a napkin. And then things got better….

When J & I had first found our table we noticed a nice looking gentleman and his buddy sitting in the restaurant area maybe 5 yards outside the bar. The good looking one, who I dubbed Rico Suave, checked us out when we first came in but had not, that I noticed, paid any more attention to us. J & I, in the meantime, had been trying to establish his sexuality as he was quite pretty. When disaster struck I had nothing with which to sop up the beer since our bar table was not equipped with silverware rolls. It was at this point, in my dire hour of need, that Rico Suave gallantly came to the rescue: he walked over to our chaotic table and smilingly handed me an unused napkin. After drying off the manager came and offered to pay for dry-cleaning and buy us a round of drinks. I said the dry-cleaning would not be necessary and that a round of drinks would be very nice. V then excused himself for a moment and J henceforth went to the ladies room.

I was now alone at the table when Rico gracefully strolled over in his elegant suit (+1 point for being able to dress himself), crouched down and asked, in a soft euro accent (v. sexy: +1 point) if I had dried off sufficiently to which I replied that I had. He said he had wanted to come speak with me but did not want to interrupt the conversation I was so obviously enjoying (he apparently noticed the displeasure on my face as dragon breath ogled J). He then introduced himself as SS and extended his hand, which I took, and he then kissed (v. classy: +2 points). He then said he had to be at court in the morning (I was tempted to ask “defendant or counsel?” but resisted) but could he take me out for drinks some other night? I of course said that would be lovely and gave him my number. This was definitely the highlight of the evening. J returned from the restroom and we left.

As I said, always an adventure…

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