Don't mess with me bitch!

So I have these two boys, RQ and IQ, who work for me as student aides.  They are not particularly focused or punctual but they'll do for now.  Unfortunately, RQ has a rather large posse of girls who think it's cute to call/visit/e-mail/IM/text message/fax/write his name in the clouds/etc. while he's at work.  One girl (DG for Dumb Girl) in particular enjoys calling him on the work phone lines, which unfortunately for her are my line and my ex boss' line (I answer both).  RQ has told DG to leave him alone repeatedly but she refuses to do so.
Over the past several months DG will call for RQ and do one of two things; she either a) hangs up when she hears me answer or b) asks for RQ, in which case I calmly explain that he is not allowed to receive personal calls on work lines and to pleaew call him at home or on his cell.  If she happens to call and ask for him she will hang up after the lecture and then proceed to call back and hang up a few times in hopes that RQ will answer instead of me.  Yea, she's not too bright. 
Yesterday she called and I once again explained that she could not call these lines and to please stop calling.  Today she called again and I asked her again to stop calling.  She then called back twice and hung up.  Thus the straw that broke the camel's back.
After hang up number two I immediately called security and asked if there was a way to track incoming calls and put a stop to harassing phone calls: lo and behold there is!  The dispatcher took some info from me and promised to send an officer down for a report.  Meanwhile, dingbat called again  and RQ's bro, IQ, answered.  He told her I was on the phone with security so DG tells IQ that she wants to talk with me to set up an appointment with a counselor, which she knows is not our area!  IQ places her on hold and I take the call after finishing with the dispatcher.
DG, who I think is really D right now, proceeds to give me her name and phone number, which I gladly take before informing her that our department is not the one she needs.
A moment later Occifer of the Law Dudley-Do-Right trots down to take the report.  Conveniently, I have the suspects name and contact info at my fingertips.  I explain the situation and he promises to follow with a nice little phone call to her.  If she keeps up the antics then I can go as far as prosecuting her. Yes!  Blond 1: Dingbat 0

Kids say the darndest things

I taught a lesson this evening.  While AH struggled through her deplorably unpracticed piece a little voice from the other room piped up, "Do I have to get married?  Why can't I just have a best friend?"  I began laughing and AH explained that the other girls were playing the board game 'Life'.  I was amused nonetheless and echo her sentiment wholeheartedly!

Some guys just can't take a hint...

OMG you will never believe who called yesterday whilst I was in WI for my sis' triathalon!  The Ugly Canadian!  He actually called from Carmel, specifically Pebble Beach, which according to him is just a stone's throw away (pun intended;) from Carmel.  He had the audacity to ask if J and I were coming and I said we did not have plane tickets.  He said he would buy them for us and have reservations waiting at the airport.  I said we could not possibly make it since I was at the race.  He asked what J was doing and I said I did not know since I had not talked to her.  He asked for her phone number: I said "But you didn't give us your number!"  To which he replied, "No, do you have her  phone number?" I said "I told you, you never gave it to us!"  And then, "I have to go, my sister is at the finish line.  Have a fun time" and hung up.  Somewhere in all of that I managed to re-emphasize that we would not sleep with him, even if he did fly us to Carmel.
One would think that after the restaurant rejection AND not showing up at his room that he would take the hint.  Maybe he is mentally unstable? Maybe he is used to his money buying him whatever he wants?  Who knows....will be interesting to see if he dares call again.

They all come back

Spoke with DG today.   I needed a friend to see Bourne Supremacy with and since KB was MIA all weekend I resorted to old flames, long snuffed out and not to be rekindled.  Unfortunately, DG was at Six Flags with new chick and informed me that I would need her permission before seeing a flick with him.  I almost told him to call me when the relationship ends, but I know he will anyway so why rub it in?

The Adventures of Me & J: The Martini Bar

After the wake I was depressed as hell.  I don't deal well with death, despite my religious beliefs about the hereafter, and was in a funk all day.  Bored, but at the same time not wanting to do anything or see anyone, I went shopping at the Mecca of all malls: Woodfield.  I hooked up with J for a little pick me up after blowing an ungodly amount of money on more clothes I don't need and yet another dress I'll never wear, albeit this BCBGmaxazaria silk chiffon dress will melt any man within a 50ft. radius, and I swear I will one day find a guy who till take me to snazzy places where I can show off my pretty dresses.  But back to the story...J and I set out for the new martini bar above Potter's Place in Naperville, which is very chic and cozy: I recommend.  We found a quiet table and were enjoying ourselves immensely when the trouble started: it always finds us I swear.

A rather inebriated golfer from California (although his DL said Kansas.  To be honest, I think he was too drunk to know for sure) strolled up to our table.  Actually he lunged rather gracelessly at us and caught the table's edge in the nick of time.  He introduced himself as Brad and we eventually had the pleasure of meeting his two considerably less inebriated friends, Mark and Noel.   Brad was kind enough to buy us a round of drinks while informing us of his dynamite business: no, he really does blow stuff up!  Kinda cool huh?  When the bill for Brad's round arrived he was kind enough to pick up our tab as well.  Aww! Thanks Brad!

Meanwhile, I had been mouthing for help over my shoulder to a table behind J and me.   The friendly group, who had been pitying us through our friend Brad's antics (at one point Brad began singing rather loudly and dancing.  Security came over and told him to calm down), appeared to be our way out.  As it happened, one of the guys in our would-be rescue team was the spitting image of a guy J used to date.  The look alike turned out to be Craig, and not J's ex, but came to our rescue anyway.  When J made a covert exit to the lady’s room she returned, not to our table, but to Craig and Co.’s.  A moment later Craig came to my rescue, "I thought that was you!  It's me, Craig! From high school!"  A teary reunion ensued.

I gracefully excused myself from Brad, who seemed rather oblivious to the somewhat obvious ploy, to catch up with my old buddy Craig and his co-workers Jimmy and Christina.  Craig, Jimmy and Christina were fab and we had a ball hanging out.  I gave them this web address: Jimmy was dubious of its authenticity.  I hope that he will visit this site one day so he can read the following: I Told You So!!!:)  Thanks again for the rescue guys!

Brad, to whom I also gave this site address, thanks for the drinks!  You're a doll but need to take it down a notch with the drinking in public;)

Further proof that I would be a horrible mother...

I killed my avacados.

Proof of Life

The outcome of the current situation will stand as proof to whether or not I truly lead a charmed life...

Back in April I was informed that my current position would be upgraded to 40hr/wk and that I would earn 8k/yr more. Yippee skippee for me!  I promptly began investigating condos and such as my apt. lease ends in Aug.  i discovered an adorable condo thanks to DDDS, my fab real estate agent, and he set me up with JW, my fab mortgage broker (you are both the best!). 

I was all set to secure a loan when I discovered that  my lovely place of employment will not automatically give me the approved salary for my position: I must first prove that the position has changed significantly to the point that it warrants an upgrade in level and thus in salary.

My dear supervisor, JP, is being  a doll and attempting to expedite matters in the paper pushing dpt. as he is aware of the housing crisis.  And this is in fact a crisis  folks! If I don't get the house I move in with the 'rents! yikes!  However, KS has offered her digs temporarily but I don't know if I can impose upon her.  I'm sure I'd be welcome at KB's but his house is full lol!

Thus, I await on pins and needles, to see if the HAY (affectionately refered to as HATE) committee will approve the upgrade.  It's all politics and luck from here on out folks and I'll know in about 2 wks but hopefully sooner.  Will keep you all posted!

The Secret to Blue Ribbons

According to KS the secret to a good blue ribbon, or multiple blue ribbons for that matter, is:

"foreplay...you have to find the right kind of person... someone who's giving,  who takes their time, and has, um, endurance"

Well now!  There you go boys and girls: take it from a pro!  And believe me, I happen to know that KS is quite the expert on blue ribbons!  The girl can have three or four at a time: I am so jealous.  However, she has a very "giving and enduring" man...  Alright you pervs: get back to work;)

My New Hat!

Found the cutest Frank Olive hat on e-bay!  Is there anything they don't have?
 http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=3492856618&ssPageName=STRK:MEWN:IT
 
Speaking of e-bay, check this out: some guy modeled and sold his wife's wedding dress on e-bay.  Follow link and scroll down for story: hillarious!
 
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4146756343&category=6

The Adventures of Me & J: Ra and the Canadian

Yet another exciting evening with J last night.  Determined to head downtown for a girl's night we settled on Ra as I had met the head chef (Joe), the owner (Thai), the manager (Cornelius), and the bartended on my last visit with KT and figured we could make out with some loot a la HH.
 
BTW-Ra is a fab sushi place on State and Elm in the Goldcoast-you must try!
http://www.rasushi.com/
 
J and I opted for the sushi bar area of the restaurant and had a fantastic feast.  We were interrupted by a large, balding, mostly unattractive Canadian.  Apparently he missed his connecting flight and was stuck in Chi town.  He quickly bought us drinks and then offered to pay for dinner 10 min. later.  J and I quickly added 2 Ra t-shirts to our bill.  They say "Pleasure Yourself" heh heh.
 
Surprisingly, it didn't take our boy long to ascertain that J is a massage therapist.  Well didn't that just perk him up like a goldfish seeing the flakes!  He proceeded to ever so subtly offer us $300 buckaroos to come back to his hotel for a (and I am not making this up) "four hands massage"!  eww!
 
After several "no's" our boy decides to up the ante: if we come back to his room then he'll take us to Carmel, CA next weekend and Vegas the weekend after that.  Plus, he promised to pay us 60k/yr to be his "executive assistants and girlfriends".  I finally told him straight out that we would not be f#$%^& him and to get lost. 
 
We excused ourselves to the bar where we met some nice boys from TN.  They had watched our tiff with the Canadian and were thoroughly amused.  They bought us drinks and invited us to a bar across the way.  We were ready to leave when the Canadian reappeared; supposedly he had left his credit card.  He proceeded to offer me the $300 if J would not come; I later learned he had made the same offer to J while I was in the loo.
 
J and I escaped with the TN boys to the bar, the name of which I cannot remember but it had something to do with livestock: I don't recommend.
We weren't there 5 min. when we agreed to use the john and scram.  While waiting in line (there is always a line for the girl's room!) we met Elvis.  He offered us VIP passes to his show at the House of Blues in August haha! I think we will go for kicks but I'm sure it will be a sad sight indeed. 
 
As my friend JC says, "you can't write this stuff"

The Adventures of Me & J: The Happy Hamburger

Sunday evening fell hot, humid, and threatening to rain.  Drinks were definitely in order so J and I moseyed over to Cheeseburger in Paradise a.k.a The Happy Hamburger (flows much better yes?) whereupon, being two hot blonds, we caused much havoc....
 
The fun began when Mr. Manager asked how we liked our meal and made the mistake of taking our almost empty plates.  We protested fiercely, repossessed the remnants of dinner and 5 min. later Mr. Manager reappeared with a peace offering of fries.  The fries would be the first or many gifts that evening...
 
J and I quickly befriended our waiter who was kind enough to bring us a free shot (for inquiring minds it was a blowjob which, rather ironically, fit our conversation).  For those of you not familiar with HH one of their trademark's is little sunglass pins that come on mixed drinks.  I was sporting a pink pair from a prior visit on one tank strap and evened myself out with a pin on the other side when the margaritas arrived.  J, feeling left out with only one pin, ever so sweetly asked our waiter for another pin: he brought us 30.
 
Upon returning from a visit to the loo I discovered J kindly writing my digits on the table in sunglass pins!  Our waiter, Mr. Manager, and by this point the bar tender and the bus boy, were extremely amused and for this we earned blowpops! woohoo!  We proceeded to spell out J's and C's numbers and informed the boys it didn't matter which one they called b/c if they called one they got all 3 of us: they couldn't believe their good luck.
 
I think it was the phone numbers that secured our free desert, which brazen J flirtatiously asked for outright: go J!  Amidst a sea of chocolate nachos (you really must try them) the waiter entertained us with magic tricks: how charming!
 
Our final trophy's inception came from J and its procurement came from moi.  Apparently C from U of I is moving into a new apt. and has been lusting after Corona S&P shakers which I'm sure many of you have seen gracing your favorite watering holes.  HH has aforementioned shakers and, through much cunning and charm, I acquired one of each, with the bar tender's permission of course, from our table.  We stowed them in J's darling purse.
 
Finally, we received the bill.  Our grand total for a burger, fries, desert, and two margaritas was about $10.00 as we were charged only for the drinks. 
 
Much thanks to the friendly staff at HH: we will be back soon for another raid!