Don't Try This at Home

After a restless night I awoke at 6:30 to ready myself for work. Bleary eyed I headed into the kitchen to toast a bagel while I dressed. After cutting my finger from slicing the bagel I retreated to the bathroom, returning a few minutes later to butter my bagel. While hacking butter off a frozen stick I realized the bagel was still somewhat cold and barely toasted. The solution seemed simple: put the bagel, with butter, back into the toaster oven for another round. Some of you are already shaking your head, I'm sure, as you read this. I exited the kitchen to dress and returning a few minutes later to find the bagel on fire! I don't mean it was smoking in the toaster I mean there were flames licking the #$%^ thing! Apparently one cannot toast butter. As I do not own a fire extinguisher I haphazardly attempted to spear the bagel onto the butter knife, which fortunately put out the flames, and then tossed it into the sink whereupon cold water did nothing to quench the smoke billowing from the charred remains. Meanwhile smoke poured from the toaster so I desperately opened windows and doors before the smoke alarm sounded. Needless to say buying a fire extinguisher has jumped to the top of the things-to-buy list. Meanwhile my friends and family are getting a good laugh from my Martha Stewart mishap.