I have officially had it with blind dates! From here on out I am picking my own men and they must pass a general appearance and manners inspection first. What sparked this sudden vow of anti-blind dating? I am so very glad you asked....
JH, a good friend of my mom's, knows another woman who has a son, Darin (we will be using Darin's full name as I see no need to protect his anonymity after his deplorable behavior). A few years ago Darin mentioned to JH that it's tough to find a good woman these days and she suggested me (what she was thinking I don't know!). Apparently Darin called my mother and asked permission to see me. At the time she felt he was too old for me and said it wasn't a good idea. I couldn't have cared less, which is apparent by the fact that I don't remember this first incident.
Fast-forward to a month ago when Darin again spoke with JH and mentioned he was still having a hard time finding a nice girl. JH asked if he had ever hooked up with me, to which he replied no. JH suggested that he give it another go since I was now older.
So, our boy sends my mother an e-mail and asks her to pass it on to me. He told me a little about himself, including the fact that he is looking for a wife and hopes to have children someday. A little much by way of an introductory letter, but at least I knew right away where his interests laid. He also attached pictures, which from his perspective was a mistake. His e-mail, however, seemed nice and I was pretty impressed with his tenacity in meeting me. As it turned out, he was coming to town for a wedding the last weekend of September and asked if we could meet for coffee. Despite my complete lack of interest in him I agreed too meet, mostly because I have assertiveness issues and am nearly incapably of disappointing anyone but my parents.
We agreed to meet on Monday evening. I told him where to go, noting there was a Starbucks and a good restaurant so we could either grab coffee or have dinner. He opted for dinner. I told him I finished working at 7:00 and to meet me at 7:15. I arrived and he was nowhere to be seen. I waited in the restaurant for a while but, after a bit he had still not arrived. As I did not get good cell reception I exited the restaurant to see if he was perhaps waiting outside, but he was not. I called and left a vm reiterating directions and said I would be inside waiting. Finally, at 7:35 he arrives with no apology or explanation as to why he is nearly 20 minutes late! This could have been easily overlooked had it not been for the rest of the evening...
The conversation started out well enough but headed south when he ordered an incredibly fussy salad that wasn't on the menu! Our poor waiter had to come back twice for ingredient checks! Darin insisted this was how one could tell if a chef was any good. Yea, whatever pal. You just came off as the world's biggest prima-donna, which is pretty tough considering the weekend I spent in NY w/ J and her so-in-denial gay friend TN. But I digress...
After ordering our dinner I made the monumental mistake of asking Darin who the wedding was for that he attended. At this point he launched into a tale of how he met the groom at some men's retreat. Unfortuntaely he was not permitted to tell me much about the retreat as "they" are not supposed to talk about what goes on there! (un huh: exactly what I was thinking!). The gist of this retreat, however, is that every man supposedly experiences some event in his life, usually in his childhood, that keeps him from being the full man he was intended to be. Through this retreat, which creates a "safe place", the men are able to discover what this event was, work past it, and become the manliest man they can be. (These are shmatzel Darin's words; not mine). At this point I'm thinking "okay...this is weird".
Unfortunately Darin used this tale to springboard into the story of his "spiritual journey" as he constantly refered to it. He covered his rebellion, his adult baptism, his stint at seminary and his future missions plans. All the while his prose is littered with Christian jargon and I'm thining "who is he trying to sell? Me or himself?". Don't get me wrong, having a spiritual component to your life is all well and good, but it was way too much information for a first meeting and he talked about himself way too long! I don't even know what this guy does for a liviing b/c he was spewing so much crap at me about his "spiritual journey"!
As if this wasn't bad enough (yes, I am sorry to say that it does in fact get much worse) during the course of conversation, rather his monologue, I could see light reflecting in the lenses of his glasses. His eyes also kept flickering over my head to look at something. I finally turned around to see what had so transfixed his attention and, lo and behold, the football game was on! When he saw me turn around he looked a bit sheepish and apologized for continuing to check the score. Hahah. We laughed. Not funny. Shmazel.
The game must have then got really interesting because as this shmuck launches into an explanation of his future mission plans he is literally staring OVER my head and STARING at the television monitor while he speaks. I was so annoyed that I interrupted him mid-sentence and asked what the score was. He didn't even bat an eye! "I don't know, they're not posting right now" was his response! Then he watched the monitor until the score showed and proceeded to share the score: at least he answered the question!
The final straw came when the check arrived. Call me a princess, which I am, but I expect a guy to pay on the first date, or whatever it was, at least! Darin paid, fine. When the bill came back, however, I decided to test him (a poor idea in retrospect) by asking if he would like me to contribute to the bill. His response, are you ready?, was "Sure, you can throw in some cash....or you can pick up the tab next time". Yes, he actually said that! So, I smiled sweetly and said I would let him get it this time. Jerk.
Fortunately our boy had another place to be later that evening which meant my misery was mercifuly ended much earlier than anticipated. By way of goodbye prince charming shakes my hand and then leans in for the pat-on-the-back hug, which you all may have seen on Sunday morning as the pastor makes rounds with the congregants. I call it "the pastor greeting"; apparently Darin sees it as an acceptable way of parting ways with a woman. Unbelievable.
To Darin's credit, the heinous things he did weren't so bad in the moment. Most of the stuff I would have gladly overlooked but, when I look back at the encounter as a whole, I see what a completely self-absorbed and pompous ass he was. I'm getting worked up just typing it out here! The whole watching the football game was really the crowning insult.
Nice person that I am I decide to spare Darin my true opinion of the evening and simply not communicate with him anymore. He decided to make that difficult. He called from the airport Tuesday night on his way home (Denver) and left a vm saying he'd had a nice time blah blah blah. Of course he had a nice time; I'm a great date! I chose to not return the call.
Friday, however, I receive an e-mail from him. "How is your week going? Darin". The time had come to take action. I responded with the following e-mail. Perhaps a bit scathing, but the point had to be made:
"Darin,
After arriving 15 minutes late without apology or explanation, intently watching the football game over my head while telling me of your great passion for missions and then accepting my offer to pay for dinner or providing the alternative of allowing me to pick up the tab next time, I have no interest in either seeing you again or staying in touch.
I am sure you fancy yourself quite the catch but unless you learn how to treat a lady in a more gentlemanly manner then I suggest lowering your standards for a spouse.
You might consider me high-maintenance, but I too have high standards and have no interest in pursuing a relationship with someone who is incapable of treating me like a princess at least on the first date. "
As I was putting the finshing touches on this puppy KS happened to pop by and encouraged me to send the e-mail pronto. Had it not been for her I would have saved it to drafts then come back once I was less peeved to modify and "nice-ify" it. He replied the same day:
"Hi, I can respect your "perspective" of the date. Not much grace there, but that will come more with age and the natural storms of this life! If I did or said anything that was sinful towards you, please forgive me.
As for "fancy myself quite a catch" my only response to that is that I am a sinner, saved and deeply grateful for Gods grace and mercy. I am a genuinely caring and loving man who (although not perfect) is committed to and is passionate about serving the Lord and loving people and growing and learning as I continue to walk through this life.
Now that you have made a clear decision that you don't want to date me based on your first impression, then let me know when you want to get together as friends for that brandy and cigar! May God bless your life with love, grace, humility and eternal purpose.
Take Care
Darin"
"NOT A LOT OF GRACE THERE" Who was watching the football game buddy?! Augh. Just reading that makes causes a blood rush to my head! I'm sure this guy will make some CF&I grad happy as a clam and I'm sure his mother thinks he's an okay guy. I, on the other hand, have no interest in ever hearing from him again and am doubly fortified in my intentions to stay blind-date free for the rest of my dating days so help me God!
